I wonder if the Transportation Security Administration has people reading blogs?

I'm on my way to Boston to spend some time with family - leaving behind some family. I made it through security about the same as usual; everything but a body cavity search. I wear leg braces, won't take off my shoes and, consequently, am treated like a terrorist. My braces get swabbed and I get a pat-down.

Of course I didn't have any toothpaste, deodorant (I did manage to sneak by the amount I applied to my arms prior to boarding, heh, heh), nail polish remover, axes or small reptiles (snakes have been known to invade aircraft you know). But, there was light at the end. Starbucks quickly responded to the recent TSA changes and relocated inside the gate area. This smoothed over all the hassle I just went through.

I couldn't help thinking about how badly the TSA responded to the recent problems. No liquids and gels because of the miniscule probability someone may transport a solution of unstable explosive materials? C'mon. They overlooked the biggest danger of all. Paper. Paper's an aqueous composite of cellulose. Cellulose has lots of hydroxy groups that can be nitrated with common ingredients and become explosive (e.g., totse.com's got a good post on it). So, my simple paper notebook that I penned this entry into could've been made deadlier than a boxcutter. And, infinitely more stable than any concoction I could've cooked up in solution. Same for cotton (cellulose) clothing.

With this in mind, I have the following recommendations for the TSA to implement:

• forget carry-ons altogether, nearly any substance can be made dangerous
• ban those deadly paper boarding passes
• make patrons fly nude
• use teflon seat liners (for obvious reasons)

These measures must be implemented; it's a matter of national security.

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