He also took one of those clear plastic credit card holders in my door pocket - the bummer hat trick. It containing my Sally Beauty member card (I buy really dangerous chemicals there), a gift card to Cameron Mitchell's restaurants for $50, my art museum membership card and a couple wallet sized pics of Frankie. Last night, my car was parked in my driveway, unlocked, and the little clear wallet thingy was returned, conspicuously in view. I am feeling even more creeped out than when it was stolen.
I know I do not wear nice clothes, I'm not tall, I don't drive a government-issued, ginormous, black, shiny, bullet-proof Suburban, don't typically have large-breasted, short-skirted lab technicians at my behest running DNA tests in under an hour, but I have studied quite a bit of psychological profiling between the hours of 8 and 10 at night and have learned quite a few things. The Mrs thinks I misplaced said wallet insert and simply found it. WAY TOO SIMPLE. Here are the traces left behind and the conclusions easily drawn from the evidence:
- stole GPS => male (all perps are males)
- it was a Nuvi 255W => he knows his gear, is a geek
- a crumb was left in the driver's seat => he's Bolivian, aged 22
- humid day with intermittent rain => he had a runny nose and carried an umbrella
- Whetstone park soccer day => he has a son or sister/brother playing soccer, no one in his right mind would go there otherwise
- stolen from a 8 year old car => he preys on the frugal
- stolen from a neat and clean car => he's somewhere on the OCD spectrum, we're talking to his psychiatrist this afternoon.
- returned pics of my daughter => sympathetic Dad who needs cash?
- returned my Sally Beauty member card => OCD, but he doesn't groom well
- returned a very cool Cameron Mitchell's gift card => he likes McDonald's and probably orders "meat, no vegetables" on his burger and shouts is loudly at the counter
We're currently running DNA from the spittle on the crumb, updates later.
I hope you nail that punk. I did see a guy with a horned viking helmet after our games were over at the event going on at the shelterhouse-not sure if it was a memorial or wedding. He looked very suspicious. Vikings are notorious for getting lost.
Joe, we'll set up a sting this Saturday.
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