Fear him!

Baby Jesus thefts on the rise

'tis the season ...

Update: Stolen baby Jesus is actually a cliche.

The script from today's lesson

Today's lesson for first graders was about freezing a liquid to a solid using sodium acetate trihydrate. These 30 minute lessons are tough. One word used out of their vocabulary can initiate a deviation in their attention that turns into a small riot. The teachers are especially good at keeping the class in control and on task; their years of experience are evident in managing these gangs. The only tool I use to prevent me from babbling is a script card. I use very few words outside of this little index card. I don't want to babble and I have little time to think. Things heat up fast - and I can prove it.

Today, I wore my heart rate monitor. For the 10 minutes prior to the first demo, through to the end, 40 minutes total, here are my observations: My basal heart rate = 64 beats per minute. My average for the 40 minutes = 108 and maximum was = 147! Yes, it's nuts. Depicted is the message I like to enforce on the other side of my recipe card. Fortunately, no one ate anything today. Go hug your kid's teachers, and give them help.

Not my child

[Image by Occidental College on Flickr, click on image to visit Flickr page]

Fast forward about 11 years. We're dropping the kid off at school for her first year in college. We drive home, crying most of the way, eat a couple uninterrupted meals to get back to our senses, frolic a few days naked in our home. After a couple weeks, we decide to take a ride back and see if she's starving; take her and a couple friends out for lunch (and dinner and breakfast). We're a few miles away and suddenly we panic: is she studying ... drunk ... introducing Michelle Malkin for the visit to the campus young Republicans club?!

It's worse. She's participating in a coed exercise with sticks ... down there. I knew Harry Potter was evil.

I never knew that ...

The search operator on Google "or" must be in caps or it is disregarded in search.

E.g., "jesus OR santa OR bigfoot" is a really interesting search and retrieves lots of results (and now including Facebook and Tweets).

"jesus or sant or bigfoot" retrieves way fewer, but, more bizarre results.

This year's buzz kiddie item is a small rat

The zhu zhu hamster, it's this year's gotta have it for the small set. Originally sold for $10, now about $30 - $40 on Ebay. Here's one Amazon review:
"This toy is very dangerous for small children and adults. My daughter is terrified of it because it pinches your skin until you bleed. I did not realize how bad this was until it did it to me. It does not release your skin until you rip it off. If you push the button while it is in the palm of your hand be prepared to be hurt. I paid 4 times the amount of the normal price for this hamster and fun house and boy am I kicking myself now. Not to mention the piece of junk fun house falls apart constantly. These should be recalled. They are just not worth the aggravation and pain. Just another holiday scam."

Sounds cute.
I hope our child survives the trauma of not getting one.

Celebrating the Ascension (of the objects from the basement)

From our family to you.

Loser Ohio man gets motorized stool confiscated to pay off $37K in child support

About a visitor per minute.

Almost as good as Godzilla and Mothera

Gluteoplasty?

Yes, it's what it sounds. Miss Argentina 1994 died yesterday from complications due to this procedure she unfortunately had done earlier in her life. It was also one of the afternoon's top searches as determined by Google hot trends. Of course the remaining bits of the top 20 were related to Tiger Woods and, strangely, still in the top 20, xerostomia.

Trends provides frequent updates during the day. One can also put in a previous date to see what was buzzing on your last birthday. Enjoy.